I fell in love with Rosie the very first time we locked eyes at a cattle auction. It was as if we knew one another from a past life. I had to have her. She is beautiful, friendly and enormous and I have adored her from day one. But here’s the deal…….Rosie has turned out to be one of the crappiest mothers ever! She is THAT mom who all of the other moms talk shit about behind her back.

She NEVER knows where her baby boy Rex is…...ever. All the other mamas have their babies tucked in close by, but Rosie? She has her head down eating, totally oblivious that Rex is 100 yards away, well outside the fenced grazing area. She is like the mother you see at the playground who is giving her full attention to social media on her phone as her toddler climbs higher and higher up the jungle gym. All the other mothers anxiously dart their eyes between the jungle gym and the absent mom, silently willing her to turn her attention to her child who is about to take a header from 10 feet high.

Rosie interacts with her calf, but it not like mother/child, it is more like roommates who get along well when together, but one of them secretly lives for the moment the other one leaves the apartment. I imagine Rosie handing a 20 to Rex right after breakfast and telling him to go out to play. The money is so he can get himself a bag of Doritos and a Coke for lunch…..oh and on his way home pick up a pack of smokes and a six pack for his mama.

Rex, at a week old, is already street smart. He knows what’s up and where to score a good time. All the other babies are being licked and fussed over by their mamas while Rex is off campus drinking water out of the feeder in the guinea coop. The other mothers quietly whisper to their small children that they are not allowed to play with Rex because he is a bad influence. They glance over to Rosie, shake their heads in disgust and make a mental note to have “family plans” when Rex’s birthday party invitation comes in the mail. No way are they going to leave their child alone for a couple of hours with THAT mom.

At dusk, when every other mama and baby have picked out their spot to sleep for the night, Steve and I go out to drag Rex back in from wherever he has wandered to reunite him with Rosie. She’s always like, “okay fine, I will be a mom tonight. I will find a place for us to sleep even though it isn’t pitch black yet…..geez you and Karen are so uptight!”. The other mamas just look at us, raise an eyebrow and go back to being Mother Of The Year.

Rex will be perpetually late for school and always the last one waiting to be picked up. After a couple of months Rosie won’t even bother to come up with a lame excuse, she will just saunter in, give a head nod in the general direction of staff and collect her son. Rex will never have his permission slips turned in on time and his homework will seldomly be complete. The teacher will have long ago given up on asking Rosie to volunteer in the classroom. The teachers and administration will have meetings about her, but she will never change.

So that is my Rosie. I’m starting to wonder if we indeed shared a past life and if she was that naughty friend I adored when I was a child.