Literally. We now have a pair of bull balls in the pasture comingling with my “dainty” cows and I am not sure how I feel about it. Suddenly, everything feels out of balance. We have tried two rounds of artificial insemination with the heifers and we are certain that at least one did not take. There is only one way to ensure pregnancy for all of the viable heifers at this point…….borrow a bull. Enter “Balls”.
He has no name, just swagger. I call him Balls because his testicles are so big that they drag along the ground when he walks, leaving a trail of ball prints in the dirt. And there is now dirt to drag said scrotum where there was once pretty green pasture. Do you know why? Because Balls digs furiously into the pasture to get at the earth below and then flings the dirt onto his back! Why!? Why must he do that!? Then he drags those things along the ground looking for another pretty green spot to do it all over again. The pasture is now dotted with gigantic, ankle spraining craters and he has been here less than a week. Ugh!
The dude has got it made around here. David, from whom we borrowed Balls, dropped him off on Thursday and marveled at how beautiful our pastures are compared to his…..yeah, that’s because we didn’t have some burly dude digging up all of the grass!......well, that is until now. David said that Balls is going to love his three month vacay here because he is the smallest of his bulls so he doesn’t get the call to mingle with the ladies as often as his bigger boys. Balls will not only be the only game in town, but he will also eat like a friggin king while here.
What bothers me the most? I think my girls are actually smitten by this beau hunk of a beast. They charged the electrified fencing upon his arrival to get a closer look. Knocked the whole thing down! Come on ladies. Just look at him from behind! It looks like he attached a pair of panty hose to his backside and filled each leg with a watermelon. He is a Neanderthal for God’s sake! And he is tearing up the pasture and pissing his scent all over the place!
So from now until Thanksgiving, you will find me wringing my hands with worry about my girls’ poor judgment while wearing a disgusted expression as he drags those things all over my once lush green fields. Men!