“Working out”; it is daily goal of most Americans. I see people in their pristine workout apparel as they walk into their fancy gyms to pay some burly dude big bucks to make them sweat and burn calories. They put in their paces, hit the showers and then schedule their next session. I also see, everywhere I turn, people with a “step tracker” attached to their wrists. I’m told that these are wonderful gadgets to ensure that it’s user gets adequate exercise each day. The bracelet keeps track of how many steps one has taken in the day and some even vibrate when the user remains still for too long. Heck, I even saw a man wearing two of them…..one was his wife’s. Apparently he was working out for the both of them that morning.
I have no idea how much those calculating wristbands cost or how much a yearly membership costs at the local gym, but I have a simple solution for ensuring enough exercise is accomplished for the day; become a farmer.
All that is required is a couple of changes of “shit” clothes: one for wearing in the morning and one to change into at lunchtime. Got some ripped yoga pants and a t-shirt with a nasty coffee stain? Perfect, but you will need two. By noon, the morning outfit will be so saturated with sweat, stink and dirt that changing into a fresh shit outfit is the only polite thing to do before eating lunch.
Who needs a breezy air-conditioned gym and that burly dude yelling at you, when you can have the blazing sun and miles of watermelons beckoning you to pick them before they over-ripen? It is so much more difficult to get a good sweat going in the AC anyway and you don’t have to pay the watermelons to chide you to work harder.
I know, the elliptical machine with the perfectly placed television seems attractive, but come on, shoveling petrified chicken shit out of the brooders before the next batch of chicks arrive is way sexier.
I can see you through the window as you saunter over to the water cooler to fill your paper cup. Don’t you know that drinking from the hose is much more satisfying? Okay, I’ll admit that it takes skill to not actually touch the hose to the lips because God knows where it has been, but that makes it just another workout challenge!
Those fancy multi-colored weights scattered around at the gym designed to tone and sculpt are overwhelming. Come on down to the farm! The only choice you have will be a blue 5-gallon bucket from Lowe’s or the orange one from Home Depot. Just fill one with water or feed and start walking. Or better yet, grab one of the extra large harvesting bags from the farm shop and fill that sucker up with watermelons. Feel the burn baby.
You know those days when you are tempted to blow off the gym while you promise yourself you will work doubly hard tomorrow? Or when you say, “too bad it is Christmas Day because I would totally go to the gym if it wasn’t closed.” Problem solved! Tempted as you might be, there is no such thing as taking a day off of your workout…..unless of course, you want PETA showing up at your doorstep. And farm animals don’t quite get the whole holiday concept either.
I don’t know about you, but this Farm Gym idea sounds incredible. Membership enrollment is now open. Hurry though, because deals like this don’t last forever!