Well hopefully we have done it. Hopefully we have successfully knocked up our three young ladies, but as usual, it wasn’t without chaos.
Last Wednesday Semen Jason came over bright and early to do the honors. We had the heifers all confined in the pen and ready to go by the time he arrived. As Semen Jason prepared his magic potion we got the ladies all lined up in the chute. I watched in amazement as Jason slipped on his latex glove. Oh. My. God. It went clear up to his armpit. I noticed that on the top corner of the packaging the words “satisfaction guaranteed” written in bold letters. I couldn’t help but wonder who’s satisfaction was guaranteed because neither Semen Jason or the three heifers looked all that excited. As Jason snapped his latex glove up near his shoulder he asked, “Let’s get this party started. Got any Marvin Gaye?” You gotta love an insemination guy with a sense of humor.
As Jason approached with semen in hand, I announced to the girls that Jason would be their date for the morning. They did not look amused. As he shoved his ENTIRE arm up poor Rosie she turned her head to glare at him as if to say, “DO I KNOW YOU?” I won’t even describe what the glove looked like when the deed was done. Let’s just say that it is definitely a one-time use only.
The final step was to put a grey patch on each of their backs. Jason described it as kind of like a scratch lottery ticket, except this one, when rubbed turns florescent orange. Apparently, this patch is going to help us know if the insemination didn’t take. In 28 days, if Semen Jason’s “lovin” didn’t work, the girls will go back into heat. If they go into heat, the other heifers will know it and they will start humping the one in heat. If they start humping her the lottery ticket will get rubbed and it will turn orange. I know, I know, I’m as confused as apparently these young female cows are.
So I guess it is now a waiting game. In 28 days I will make a big batch of popcorn, pull out the lawn chairs, pour a glass of wine and wait for the XXX show to begin.