Meet Rooster Bradley. He is second in command and needed only if Fabio dies. Fabio is the Alpha male around the farm, making anywhere near the coop dangerous territory for Bradley. Just when he thinks he is in the clear, Fabio will chase him down, with talons drawn. Bradley changes quickly from confident to befuddled, anxious and terrified as he is interrupted mid-cock-a-doodle-do and scampers off quickly; never in a straight line, but a zig-zag path as he attempts to outrun the Big Kahuna.
In addition to some daily humiliation, Bradley must sleep outside the coop at night. Believe it or not, we think he is safer braving the possibility of a coyote than to be locked in with Fabio every night. For a time, we would let Bradley in after Fabio was asleep on the roost, but we discovered that Fabio can be kind of a douche upon waking in the morning. Bradley has a mangled leg and considerable limp as a result of being attacked by Fabio one morning when we didn’t get out in time to open up before Fabio was fully awake. Fabio has the capability to kill Bradley anytime he chooses, so giving Bradley the wide-open space of the outdoors seems only fair.
Lest you begin to pity poor Bradley, here’s the thing. He actually has a really, really good gig going. He is kind of like what Prince Harry is to Prince William. William is the heir and Harry just the spare, but who has more fun? Didn’t Harry become an impromptu guest at a wild bachelorette party in Vegas a couple years back? I saw pictures of him chilling in a hot tub with a babe on each arm. And doesn’t Prince William perform all the mundane tasks like attending dreadful luncheons while Harry smokes a bowl and then heads out to play Ultimate Frisbee (because I’m pretty sure that one of the rules is you have to be stoned to play).
Well, Rooster Bradley is living large at Happy Earth Farm. He has caught the eye of 6 of the most beautiful hens (the fabulous Americaunas). They jump the netting everyday to be with him. And like Prince Harry, Bradley has none of the responsibilities of being in charge. Fabio has the responsibility of keeping the coop orderly. He has to break up hen bickering and monitors food consumption…..boring!, while Bradley is out hiding under the tree partying with his harem. All it takes is a “come hither” look and they swoon. Those ladies cater to his every need with no expectations whatsoever!
So second in command ain’t all that bad. Just keep your head down Bradley, go about your business and hope that Fabio doesn’t retire anytime soon.