Fabio is one of our adolescent roosters. He is an Americauna and is quite handsome. He has been named Fabio because of his mane-like blond feathers that flow like hair when he struts about. On occasion, he will shake his head from side to side, his long blond locks will move in slow motion, making him look like a shampoo commercial. As of now though, Fabio and I are no longer on good terms.
I am not angry with him for his teenage behavior. I understand that Fabio is trying to exert his authority over the rest of the brood when he forces all of the females onto the roost and makes them stay there while he struts back and forth like a teacher reprimanding his class.
I know Fabio’s hormones are raging, causing him to aimlessly run around the chicken yard trying to hump anything that moves. I understand that it is embarrassing when the older female hens rebuff his advances and then chase him back into the coop, making him look anything but macho.
I am trying to keep a sense of humor when Fabio shoves the adolescent hens out of the way so he can eat alone and not have to share the feeder with anyone else. I have accepted that every time Fabio bullies his way in to eat solo it makes the hens so nervous that they scatter in a panic, making the water feeder spill so I have to fill it several times a day.
I will even condone Fabio’s obnoxious behavior during treat time. He bites the back of the neck of whoever gets the tastiest looking piece of apple and then scoops it up for himself and runs away. Don’t think I don’t see it; I choose to look past it. I hope that Fabio does know though, that he looks ridiculous when he scampers away like a sissy pants.
I am tolerant of Fabio’s scheming to dethrone the adult male rooster. I see Fabio eyeing the dominant rooster and then mimic his behavior. I know that Fabio is planning on being the pimp daddy of the coop and I can respect his efforts to do so.
But here is the deal Fabio. I can look past almost every stupid thing you do; I am a fairly tolerant human being. But there is one thing I cannot look past, laugh off or pretend I don’t notice.
YOU F#*KING HAVE TO STOP COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOING AT 4:30 EVERY DAMN MORNING!